Thrilled one day about the new baby that’s coming, scared the next about not knowing what to expect. Does this sound familiar? Pregnancy is a huge, life-changing event for almost every couple. During that time, emotions are sometimes up and sometimes down. Most pregnant couples notice that they are dealing with a lot more than they thought they would. They are experiencing a roller coaster of emotions.
Even when a pregnancy is planned, couples are often somewhat surprised that they have actually conceived. They may have been trying for several months or even years to become pregnant. While trying to become pregnant, they make plans and change their daily life to prepare for this huge event. However, when they do become pregnant, the timing may not be perfect. Every pregnancy is unique and no one can guess what emotions each parent will feel during the pregnancy.
Couples who didn’t plan their pregnancy often find it hard to believe they're actually pregnant – there are a lot of unplanned pregnancies – as many as 30-50%. This disbelief can last for several months. When it finally sinks in, the couple can feel all sorts of different emotions. Typically, the partner who accepts the pregnancy first may have difficulty coping with the other partner who is taking more time to accept the pregnancy.
Emotional ups and downs during pregnancy are normal. However, they can cause both moms and dads to worry if they are unable to deal with them. Here are a few guidelines to help you with emotions that are pretty typical during pregnancy.
A very worrisome fear is that something will be wrong with the baby.
This is really two fears. The first fear is that the baby will have something very wrong, physically or intellectually. The second is a worry that as parents, you will be unable to give such a baby the care and affection needed. Unfortunately, simply knowing that the chances of having such a baby are very low usually does not help ease this worry. The best thing to do is to talk about these fears with one another. Try not to keep them to yourself. These worries are pretty typical and float up at least once with most parents, and for some parents they become a major preoccupation.
If you feel that something will go wrong with your baby to the point where it is interfering with your enjoyment of your pregnancy or life in general, discuss your worries with your doctor or midwife with whom you feel the most comfortable.
Sometimes parents worry that they will embarrass themselves during labour and delivery.
They're fearful of saying or doing something to hurt their relationship with each other or their doctor. This is stressful for parents. Prenatal classes will help prepare you to go through labour and delivery in a way that works for you. Don’t worry about what you might say or do in the hospital. Medical personnel have seen it all and are very patient.
Regardless of whether or not the pregnancy is planned, most parents wonder what they got themselves into.
Sometimes the timing is wrong, or parents worry that they will never be good parents. These worries are normal. They typically come and go throughout the pregnancy. The best way to deal with them is to talk to your partner about them. Worries like these don’t usually last.
Some parents have bad dreams that play out deep fears.
You may dream that your baby has died or has a disability. Some parents even have dreams where they harm their babies. No one really knows why these dreams occur. Some experts think these types of dreams are a way parents mentally prepare themselves to handle experiences they fear. Others think they may express feelings parents may not be aware of. All experts advise parents against believing that these dreams will come true. Believing it will only result in feeling guilty or frightened. These bad dreams occur in many pregnancies, so if they happen to you, don’t blame yourself or think that it’s a bad sign.
(Discuss the dream with your partner, and if you continue to be worried about the dream, talk about it with your midwife and your doctor.)
A couple's emotions often change together.
If one is down, the other goes down. This is very common in many couples. When this happens, each partner has to deal with his or her own emotions as well as the partner’s. It may take a while for a couple to figure out that they are triggering each other’s moods. Each partner needs to decide when to maintain a little emotional independence and when to share the other’s emotions.
Some parents know they are not ready to become parents and that bothers them.
Typically parents bury such feelings because they don't want to admit that they have such “bad” thoughts. Or parents hide how they feel to avoid letting their partners know. The parent with the deep regrets hopes that the feelings will go away or magically disappear when the baby arrives. This almost never happens. Keeping these very important thoughts and feelings to yourself will affect your relationship with your partner and your baby. If you find yourself in this situation, talk to a doctor or midwife with whom you feel most comfortable. These feelings are more common than most people recognize. They will help you find the guidance you need without judging you.